About Me
My name is Amanda (Panda), I am 35 (at time of writing), I live in Poole, Dorset, UK and I live with my amazing fiancée Laura and my cat Mr. Forbages.
On the 1st December I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer and this is my story.
For those of you that know me, yes, this will be factual, disgusting, truthful, and very open. For those of you that don’t know me and have stumbled upon my page, this means that it will be sarcastic, sweary, but most of all, a positive look at what I will be going through in my journey.
I am the smiley person that you walk past in the street who makes eye contact with you, maintains eye contact, and grins……and you just think……why is that person smiling at me, do I know them, or are they just a little bit mad. That’s me, I am the second one!
But in all honesty – this will be truthful, and I will go into fine detail about the things that are going into my body, and the things that are coming out….some of it…pretty gross.
I hope anyone who is going through this, will find this useful, and anyone who is not will find it interesting.
So – Why Am I Doing This Blog?
For me – and my friends!
The short reason – I can’t sleep – I have a million things going around my head, so I write things down. I have also been a list kind of person, if I know it’s on paper, I can’t forget it, so I can remove it from my busy brain and hopefully get some sleep. Same with this, I forget to update people with what has happened, so I write it down!
FYI – it is currently 5.18 am on a Saturday, and I haven’t been to sleep yet, so I’m not sure it is working! Oh well!
Friends & Family
The real reason I am doing it – is for my friends and family.
I had a friend contact me in January, and he explained that he really struggled during Christmas, because he was worried about me, but didn’t feel like he could call me, because everyone else would be. There are so many people out there who care for me (by the way I am generally shocked because I am a bit of a knob), but they can’t see me day today, and they will sit and worry that I am curled up in a ball crying my eyes out, or that I am throwing up every 5 seconds and there is nothing they can do.
So I write this for them. I write this to show my friends that I am okay, and they do not need to worry. They can read about my journey, see that I am fighting it with everything I have, and know that I WILL be out of this in a years time. There is no other outcome!
My Nurse – My Everything.
I have the best nurse in the world, Laura.
She isn’t actually a nurse by the way, but she 100% should be, just maybe not one that you should put face to face with people.
Just to save her pride from all of you that know Laura, she isn’t the soppy, lovely nurse that you may think she might be with me! She is the nurse that gives me evils if I haven’t drunk half a litre of water every 5 goddam seconds! She is the nurse that laughs at me as I gag while trying to drink my awful mixture of vegetables, turmeric, and garlic! And this is why she is perfect for me.
She is not the perfect nurse for everyone. If she tiptoed around me all day, thinking that anything she did would harm me, then I think I would go insane! I NEED Laura to be this way. For those of you that don’t know Laura, don’t worry, I am not being beaten. She is also the most caring person in the world. When I have my bad days, I need nothing. She massages me when I need it when my bones hurt from my injections, if I crave something, she will drop everything and go to the shops for me, she will take me to all my appointments if I don’t have the energy to walk there and back. She ensures I take my medication to make sure I get better, and she overcooks all my food to make sure that I don’t get any sort of infection from food. She cleans, she cooks, but she has also made her sacrifices.
We normally have her son Thomas stay every other weekend. But as we know, children are super-spreaders of everything, so while going through chemo, she is driving to see him for a couple of hours each week, rather than having him stay with us, as she just doesn’t want to risk me being ill. She has the choice not to do this, but she is because she is amazing and incredibly selfless.
For all of this, I just want to say I love you, you are amazing, and thank you for everything you do for me every day.
Read My Journey
Read my progress via the blogs below.
Week 8 – Chemo
This week I didn’t have any additional symptoms from the previous chemo. Just the normal hot flushes through the night, and having more frequent nose bleeds, but I think I just need to leave my...
Week 7 – Chemo & Date Night
This week was a much better week for me – no additional side effects which are great. Just the ‘New Normal’ continuing. Due to my news on Wednesday, Laura took me out for the first time in months!...
The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly – CT and Genetics Results
Today I had my catch-up with Dr. B, my Oncologist. Laura came with me this time as we would be getting results on the CT scan, but also to find out if I have the BRCA gene, etc. Dr. B was lovely as...
Week 6 – Chemo
Another Week Done – and more drugs injected and destroying this tumour! I am now coming to terms with my “New Normal”. It is normal that I potentially am not going to sleep much after each...
To marry, or not to marry??
On the 6th August 2021 – my girlfriend Laura hijacked her surprise birthday party that I had organised, and chose that moment to propose to me. I was in complete shock as we had always said that I...
Week 5 – Chemo
Another round of chemotherapy done today! Glad I am getting through them, and I am generally in and out within a few hours. Some of the others are here pretty much all day getting their...
CT Scan
Just 7 days after I had asked my doctor, I had my CT scan appointment at Poole Hospital. I couldn’t believe how quickly I was seen! It was strange going to the hospital and going to a completely...
Now that’s a close shave!!
Since chemo, this week has been one of the tougher ones. I believe it is down to having the Carboplatin, and having to take extra steroids this week, so my body has been aching non-stop, my insomnia...
Week 4 – Chemo
Another round of chemotherapy was done and dusted! This week was the start of my second cycle, which means I had to have the Paclitaxel and the Carboplatin today which means that treatment took a...