About Me
My name is Amanda (Panda), I am 35 (at time of writing), I live in Poole, Dorset, UK and I live with my amazing fiancée Laura and my cat Mr. Forbages.
On the 1st December I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer and this is my story.
For those of you that know me, yes, this will be factual, disgusting, truthful, and very open. For those of you that don’t know me and have stumbled upon my page, this means that it will be sarcastic, sweary, but most of all, a positive look at what I will be going through in my journey.
I am the smiley person that you walk past in the street who makes eye contact with you, maintains eye contact, and grins……and you just think……why is that person smiling at me, do I know them, or are they just a little bit mad. That’s me, I am the second one!
But in all honesty – this will be truthful, and I will go into fine detail about the things that are going into my body, and the things that are coming out….some of it…pretty gross.
I hope anyone who is going through this, will find this useful, and anyone who is not will find it interesting.
So – Why Am I Doing This Blog?
For me – and my friends!
The short reason – I can’t sleep – I have a million things going around my head, so I write things down. I have also been a list kind of person, if I know it’s on paper, I can’t forget it, so I can remove it from my busy brain and hopefully get some sleep. Same with this, I forget to update people with what has happened, so I write it down!
FYI – it is currently 5.18 am on a Saturday, and I haven’t been to sleep yet, so I’m not sure it is working! Oh well!
Friends & Family
The real reason I am doing it – is for my friends and family.
I had a friend contact me in January, and he explained that he really struggled during Christmas, because he was worried about me, but didn’t feel like he could call me, because everyone else would be. There are so many people out there who care for me (by the way I am generally shocked because I am a bit of a knob), but they can’t see me day today, and they will sit and worry that I am curled up in a ball crying my eyes out, or that I am throwing up every 5 seconds and there is nothing they can do.
So I write this for them. I write this to show my friends that I am okay, and they do not need to worry. They can read about my journey, see that I am fighting it with everything I have, and know that I WILL be out of this in a years time. There is no other outcome!
My Nurse – My Everything.
I have the best nurse in the world, Laura.
She isn’t actually a nurse by the way, but she 100% should be, just maybe not one that you should put face to face with people.
Just to save her pride from all of you that know Laura, she isn’t the soppy, lovely nurse that you may think she might be with me! She is the nurse that gives me evils if I haven’t drunk half a litre of water every 5 goddam seconds! She is the nurse that laughs at me as I gag while trying to drink my awful mixture of vegetables, turmeric, and garlic! And this is why she is perfect for me.
She is not the perfect nurse for everyone. If she tiptoed around me all day, thinking that anything she did would harm me, then I think I would go insane! I NEED Laura to be this way. For those of you that don’t know Laura, don’t worry, I am not being beaten. She is also the most caring person in the world. When I have my bad days, I need nothing. She massages me when I need it when my bones hurt from my injections, if I crave something, she will drop everything and go to the shops for me, she will take me to all my appointments if I don’t have the energy to walk there and back. She ensures I take my medication to make sure I get better, and she overcooks all my food to make sure that I don’t get any sort of infection from food. She cleans, she cooks, but she has also made her sacrifices.
We normally have her son Thomas stay every other weekend. But as we know, children are super-spreaders of everything, so while going through chemo, she is driving to see him for a couple of hours each week, rather than having him stay with us, as she just doesn’t want to risk me being ill. She has the choice not to do this, but she is because she is amazing and incredibly selfless.
For all of this, I just want to say I love you, you are amazing, and thank you for everything you do for me every day.
Read My Journey
Read my progress via the blogs below.
Chemotherapy Chat
This was an informative event that is arranged by the hospital, for you and others about to start chemotherapy, to go to a talk about chemo. Mine was based at a community centre near Poole Hospital...
Early Xmas Day! 😊
Today we had planned as soon as we knew we I was going for treatment on Xmas Eve. I had no idea how my body was going to react to the treatment, and therefore I didn’t want to promise anyone that I...
Little Princess Charity Hair Cut! – Bye Bye Long Locks!
So today was the day that I had booked to have my long hair chopped off. People kept saying to me that my hair may not fall out, why to risk it, why cut it off, just wait until it falls out and then...
Prognosis & Next Steps
Today I met my oncologist, the lovely Dr B. Dr B was lovely and kind, just like everyone else I had met at Poole Hospital these last few weeks, so I was always made to feel comfortable. I came to...
Risk Over Reward
So being super happy and going back into the office to work didn’t last long. I work in sales – salespeople in the industry I work in are notoriously younger and want to go out and spend their money...
Back to Normal While I Wait
I returned to work. I love work, I have always been a bit of a workaholic. I have just always wanted to better myself, learn from people above me, and do the best job I can for the people who work...
Finding the Lump to Diagnoses Day
So let me first explain that none of my diagnoses would not have been found if it had not been for my VERY handsy fiancée! We play fight (a lot) but she always uses the excuse that she is just...